In Support of Irregularity
by SCMA Members The Right Reverend Elmo Del-Shimsky and Broth'r James (the Hardest Workin' Man in Pool Bid'ness)

I've finally finished studying the new and improved SCMA Book of Psalms. Great pains, and an enormous amount of thought have gone into the production of a document of which the authors and the club can be proud.

I do feel that the CLASSIFICATION OF MEMBERS section remains a bit narrow. One entire portion of the membership is ignored, while failing to provide sufficient warning to others in the club of certain "proclivities" of the membership at large. I believe that the phrase 'Regular Member' is on the one hand misleading and at the same time offensive to some in the organization. However, this is only my own humble opinion. I would urge each member to take the test below. Simply place a check mark next to each item which either best describes your personality or represents and act in which you have been a previous participant.

If you have scored more than 50 points you may be a candidate for Irregular Member Status (subject of course to verification by a member of the Safety Committee). If you have scored in excess of 75 points, you should not operate motor vehicles, handle gas operated equipment, fire arms, espresso machines, or battery operated nose hair trimmers.

I feel that each individual should be given the opportunity to provide a brief snapshot of his/her personality via the roster and that upon completing their first lead climb the evaluator can further categorize this individual. We could come up with a rating system such as they now have for the movies. I'd like to take this opportunity to present a self profile as an example of what the next roster might look like for each member:

I present this option because it seems cruel and downright misleading to have poor unsuspecting NTC grads naively call a Regular member to find themselves tied in behind a gun tot'en, tattoo covered, hard drinkin', truck driver cussin' kinda woman, chattering on incessantly about VW crankcase specs and the weight of various pieces of climbing gear. Granted, one or two of the male members (no pun intended) also fir this description. 

While the argument can be made that the above traits have little affect upon an individuals ability to climb safely, I submit that any combination of the above traits provides potential partners with an insight into each member; an insight which could otherwise only be gained by attending numerous club outings. As we all know, attending club outings will only further infuriate campground hosts, because with people.....come cars!

Humbly submitted for further commentary by the membership, I urge the membership to weigh in on this very serious issue. Please send all comments - pro and con - to the next Cliffnotes editor. 

And remember children, all are welcome, Saints and Sinners, at the Communion Rail of the Manhattan Beach Church of Everlasting and Evangelical Surf. 

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