Trip Reports from SCMA Members

Golden Shower at Tahquitz
by SCMA Member Shawn Standley

I have recently heard rumors that the wording of the waiver will be changed in an attempt to make it even more comprehensive in its protection of club members. There is one category of incident which is not covered by the waiver or club etiquette which should perhaps be considered by the Board of Directors. This was recently brought to light at the Ladies' Weekend at Tahquitz on 20th and 21st July.

I had just belayed Nancy Jensen up the second pitch of Fingertrip, and we were getting the rack sorted before continuing. There was the leader of another party on a second stance just below us bringing up his partner - altogether an idyllic climbing scene.

Feeling the slight coolness of water droplets on my arm, in typical British fashion I looked up into the sky expecting to see a thundercloud. Of course, this is Southern California, not crag climbing in Wales, and there was not a cloud to be seen; it was a perfect day.

"Somebody's pissing on us" I ventured. Nancy had also looked up when I did, to see the fine mist drifting from above. "I think it's chalk" she replied, rather genteelly. But chalk isn't wet. I was expecting a deluge at any moment.

"HEY DO YOU WANNA STOP PISSING ON US?" I shouted. Mike Feldman's voice drifted down, asking if we were below (where else would we be?). "It can't be my piss. I can see all my piss" he argued, somewhat petulantly.

Nancy and I are not people to leap to conclusions. We have had the benefits of a modern education, where one is taught to examine all possibilities before selecting the most likely hypothesis. Not wishing to incorrectly accuse a club officer, our eyes locked as we tensely ran through the possibilities. Either (a) there was a large, flying creature with a bladder the size of Mike's flying overhead (b) we were in the midst of an anomalous meteorological event prompted by the recent partial eclipse of the sun, or (c) Mike was pissing on my head.

After less than a second's consideration, we selected the latter conclusion.

"WELL WE'RE GETTING BLOODY WET, SO STOP PISSING ON US OR I'LL SUE YOU."

"You can't - you signed a waiver."

We were completely helpless. Hunched into the wall in a vain attempt to escape further retribution from the playful god above, I was feeling panicky and starting to sound a little shrill.

"THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WAIVER THAT SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT BEING PISSED ON! THE MATTER OF URINATION IS NOT DEALT WITH! I WOULD CERTAINLY RECALL SIGNING A DOCUMENT THAT ALLOWED PEOPLE TO PISS ON MY HEAD." the diatribe eventually petered out as I ran out of breath, and fortunately the impromptu golden shower did too. Although Nancy and I were sufficiently thankful that Mike had stopped, the guy doing the belaying below us was not feeling so generous. He muttered dire warnings about what he was going to do to this Mike character when he saw him.

I was somewhat alarmed by these veiled threats, and Nancy set off swiftly to lead the third pitch up to Lunch Ledge.

I followed up to find Mike and his second, Denise, already on the ledge. Airing our concerns about the surly character with no sense of humour below, we devised a cunning plan. Mike and Denise would henceforward be referred to as 'John' and 'Betty'. Shortly afterwards as Mike was about to lead off, The-Man-Who-Was-Pissed-On arrives. You've never heard a pair of climbers be so polite to each other:

"On belay, Betty"

"John, your belay is on"

"Thank you Betty"

"You're welcome John"

"Betty, I'm climbing now"

"Climb on John"

To our great amusement, this feeble charade continued throughout the next pitch ("slack, Betty" "OK, John" etc) and it was good enough to fool Big 'n' Angry. Appalled by my own temerity, I asked Betty if she knew that Mike had pissed on us? Had she seen Mike today?

I don't think the waiver should be changed to cover urination - life is sometimes full of surprises, and we can never make things airtight. But next time one of you is pissing on my head and I ask you to stop, just stop, OK? Don't give me some lawyer argument.

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